


I don't want any of that

by david_jewelrystands



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Ending, Comfort/Angst, David Rose Loves Patrick Brewer, M/M, Missing Scene, Patrick Brewer loves David Rose, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:42:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26153638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/david_jewelrystands/pseuds/david_jewelrystands
Summary: David & Patrick go to Jake's.  David leaves, and Patrick stays... for a bit.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer & David Rose
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	I don't want any of that

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic and oh my godddddd I'm nervous. Eeek!!
> 
> This is the first imagined/alternative scene that floated into my mind while watching Schitt's Creek for the 6th, or maybe even the 7th time. I'd love to write more, unless this one is garbage - you tell me.
> 
> *I know that the dialogue and exchanges at Jake's apartment aren't quite right, but I haven't watched season 6 in a while, and I'm too impatient to refresh my memory of it before I post this, so that's all from memory.

David grins and bites his lower lip as he and Patrick round the corner in the dimly lit apartment complex hallway, and Jake's door comes into view. Patrick is a step or two ahead, and David is, literally and figuratively, following his lead tonight. Patrick is casually shedding his jacket, and those arms... God, they're beautiful. But David's heart does a funny thing that startles him, just then; he's filled with desire and love and... something else. Something he didn't expect to be placed here in this moment. Is he nervous about something? It's a moment he's been in before... on the threshold - again, literally and figuratively - of what some would consider a risque sexual exploit, the stuff fantasies and movies are made of. But the multiple-partner scenario does feel familiar to David, if somewhat uncomfortably familiar. It hasn't always been a good time; it's ended, more often than not, in negative feelings overall. But this should feel different, because he's in love, and Jake is a familiar partner to him as well. So he decides to ignore, for now, the twinge of a weird feeling he's getting. He is still standing slightly behind Patrick as they arrive at Jake's door, and as Patrick knocks a couple of times, David lets his eyes roam up and down his boyfriend's body. He smiles quietly - feels so deliciously _lucky _\- and he gently scratches the back of Patrick's left shoulder with his nails, and looks at the floor, till he hears Jake's door click open.__

__"Hey." Jake's deep, confident vocal swagger. "I'm so glad you guys could make it."_ _

__Patrick says something congenial, and David opens his mouth but something registers before he can say anything - the noise, the din from inside the apartment. What the..._ _

__As they step inside, David's eyes widen. There are a BUNCH of people here. His eyes quickly scan - there are people here from Schitt's Creek that he has and hasn't met... a couple of people he's never seen before. Holy shit. His eyes meet Patrick's, which have also widened to the point of amusement. David mouths the word "Ohh!" at Patrick, and a crooked, unsure grin spreads across Patrick's face in answer. Jake is smiling and standing between them and rubbing both their backs with his warm hands, then he glances at them each in turn and invites them to get themselves drinks before he moves off towards some people by the window, hanging Patrick's jacket on a rack nearby for him._ _

__"What are YOU TWO doing here?" Stevie's voice breaks through the mental fog David feels descending around him as Jake walks away, as he wrestles in his mind with what might be about to happen. Are they really gonna do this? He's distracted - as Stevie strides over to them, drink in hand._ _

__David blinks. "What are WE doing here? What are YOU doing here?" he retorts._ _

__"Don't tell me. You two were invited for 'drinks'?"_ _

__David nods, annoyed by her incredulity._ _

__"Can I not have one thing for myself?" Stevie mutters in annoyance, swirling her amber whiskey._ _

__"M'kay, you know what?" David says sharply. "We are gonna go, so... do you wanna come with us?" He angles himself toward the door. He is suddenly very ready to be out of there, alone with his boyfriend instead of in this unexpected group situation where he suddenly feels gross, and responsible, and protective of Patrick, and... and... just Jake was one thing, just sharing Patrick with Jake, watching Jake with Patrick, was one damn thing. This is quite another. He knows Jake; not super, super well, but he knows him well enough to know they would be safe. He doesn't know who the fuck all these other randoms are; they could be anybody._ _

__Stevie's eyes are darting around evasively. "Uh, you go ahead, and I'll meet you later. I've gotta finish my drink."_ _

__David levels a knowing smirk at her, draping his arm across Patrick's shoulders. "You are not going to meet us later."_ _

__Stevie begins shaking her head before the words are even out of David's mouth. "No, I'm not."_ _

__Patrick nods and chuckles, and he and David turn toward each other as Stevie shifts away towards a nearby group of people also sipping whiskey and biding their time until the evening really kicks off. David says in a hushed voice as he affectionately massages Patrick's shoulder with his broad hand, the way he always does, "So, shall we? You ready to get out of here? This isn't quite what I thought it was going to..." David trails off as he notices a look in Patrick's eyes and something in his body that tells him, maybe Patrick isn't that ready to leave. His hand stills as he takes in Patrick's face, and the way his hands are flexing and his feet are shuffling._ _

__"We can... we can go, yeah. if that's what you want." It's a forced-casual, high sort of voice coming out of him. Patrick avoids looking directly at David's eyes when he says this. He can feel how sensitive the moment is. There's a reason David wants to leave, and Patrick probably knows what it is - it's just that... he's never done this before, never knew he might WANT to do this before. It has never been in his realm of possibility before. When the opportunity with Ken arose, it was too new, too soon, and Patrick was way too obsessed and consumed and giddily in love with David to even care about exploring an intimate connection with another man. But now... David is going to be his husband, his forever partner, and there is no doubt about that in Patrick's mind or heart. His life and future with David feel so secure and certain, that he suddenly feels free to experience something new. Something exciting? Something that has always felt off-limits and taboo to him, in his conservative-by-comparison upbringing. He knows that no matter what might go on here tonight, he will be David's forever, and David will be his. He knows David has a wide breadth of experience in this arena, and while he knows there's no real need to level the playing field... he can't help but feel the little tingle of competition. He wants to have a couple of eyebrow-waggling tales of sexual triumph to share, too. As these thoughts swirl in Patrick's mind, in the mere moments that David stands observing him, he can feel his fiance stiffen next to him._ _

__"Oh. So it's not... that's not neccesarily what... you want." David sets his jaw, no sign of the twinkling light in his eyes that Patrick lives for. He keeps his hand on Patrick's shoulder, but it has gone very, very still._ _

__Patrick shrugs, sliding both his fisted hands deep into his pockets. He's ever so slightly confused... he thought David was fine with the prospect of a "whiskey" with Jake, so he's not completely certain what's changed for him. "I don't know, David, I'm kind of... I mean, this is interesting for me, and I... I've never been a part of this scene before, so- "_ _

__The weighted comfort of David's touch has slid from his shoulder, and David is tersely nodding and pursing his lips. "Uh-huh. Okay. Okay."_ _

__Patrick's heart clenches and he suddenly feels sweaty. He wants to grab David's hands. He doesn't, he just pulls his own hands out of his pockets and stands there with them lamely hanging at his sides. "David, hang on, let's talk some more." He's not terribly fond of how desperate he suddenly sounds. But David is stepping backwards, away from him, towards the door. "David."_ _

__David reaches the door, and quietly says to him, as if it's just the two of them in the apartment, "It's okay. Do what you need to do. I've been around this block, and I've had enough 'interesting' for a lifetime. I just want you now. So, I'm gonna head out, and... you know where to find me." He slips out - he doesn't slam the door, his voice didn't rise in pitch, there was no trace of the histrionics that he comes by genetically at times. He was too serious, uncharacteristically so. What does that mean?! Patrick's heart is pounding so hard it's all he can focus on, and he can hardly breathe._ _

__* * *_ _

__In the hallway - the light is so yellow out here, who thought these hipster Edison bulbs were appropriate?? His Sicilian complexion looks wretchedly sallow in this lighting - David's trembling so much it's hard to keep propelling himself out of the building and to the sidewalk outside. It's warm out, but he feels clammy. He walks toward the motel, his mind an angry, frenetic nest of sadness and anxiety and regret. What the fuck was he thinking, leaving Patrick, his Patrick, there - at Jake's? With all those people, who WERE all those people, what if there's somebody really amazing there, what if there's somebody who gets Patrick into a corner and talks to him all night, and knows some shit about baseball, and doesn't require handling, and- GOD._ _

__David flares his hands, spreads his fingers, and takes a deep, steadying breath through his nose and out through his mouth, just like Alexis has tried to teach him to do before. _It's okay. Patrick will come home. I mean, maybe he'll end up staying the night... that'll be okay, won't it? He'll still come home, tomorrow. He'll come home to me. What have I got any right to be upset about, anyway? I've been in open relationships, I've been with multiple people in a night, this is not new. What right have I got to begrudge him a little exploration? Going to Jake's was my fucking idea, for Christ's sake. _____

____So why was he so upset, anyway? What was this about? David took another deep breath and blew it out slowly through pursed lips, squeezing his eyes shut; he was almost to the motel. He clearly knew what this was about. This was about him being totally, completely in love with Patrick Brewer, and for the first time in his life, wanting desperately to protect and preserve what he had. He couldn't bring himself to believe that Patrick might hook up with a few people at Jake's that night, and still want to come back to him. No, he couldn't stop himself from assuming that Patrick would find somebody more interesting, more stable, less dramatic, less needy, etc. A huge lump grew in David's throat until he could hardly swallow, and he unlocked the door to his shared room at the motel choking on tears, praying Alexis wasn't home. He got his wish - Alexis was out, and the room was dark and cool. David let out a strangled sob as he crawled into his bed and curled up on top of the bedspread. He tried not to picture Jake running his hand up Patrick's smooth, strong arm, feeling his bicep. He tried not to picture some random fucking guy or woman fingering the buttons on that tight-ass shirt he had on. He tried not to picture other hands, other lips, other tongues, all over the man he loved so, so much. He did not succeed, and it made him feel so ill._ _ _ _

____The minutes, and then an hour, ticked by. David tried to fall asleep, but he was fully clothed and still had his boots on, and felt too depleted and headachey and stubborn to try to get more comfortable. So he just lay there in the dark, willing his mind to settle and clear so he could rest._ _ _ _

____He had just managed to slow his heart rate, when he heard a noise at the door. Figuring it must be Alexis, he made his body very still and concentrated on his breathing so she would believe he was asleep, and he wouldn't have to talk about anything. There's fumbling key racket, the door knob being shimmied, then the door is creaking open, and footsteps - not Alexis's tittering heels - towards the bed. David's breath catches in his throat as Patrick carefully sits on the edge of the bed, next to where David's knees are curled. He doesn't say anything for a moment._ _ _ _

____Then he whispers, "Are you awake?"_ _ _ _

____David contemplates pretending to be asleep for a split second - knowing Patrick wouldn't actually buy it, but might let it ride and leave - then David realizes how much further into misery he'd sink if Patrick got up and walked out without talking to him, so he clears his throat and says hoarsely, "No." Patrick huffs a small laugh. Patrick leans forward with his elbows on his thighs, and rubs his face. David holds his breath, still lying on his side, his knees pressing gently into Patrick's back. They don't speak for a few more moments._ _ _ _

____Then David asks, "Why'd you leave?"_ _ _ _

____Patrick rotates toward him, and inhales as if to speak, then just softly sighs. He puts his hand on David's hip. His fingertips press in decidedly, and David's chest gets tight and warm. Patrick says, "David, I don't want any of that."_ _ _ _

____It's almost more than David can handle. The fear and worry he's had pent up inside of him since he walked out of Jake's apartment, turns into vapor and hisses out of him like a deflating baloon. The relief is deep, and overwhelming. He squeezes his eyes shut and pulls his lips in between his teeth, and his throat burns with emotion. He gasps and the words spill out: "Oh my God, you came back. You came back. I love you." He sits up and clutches at Patrick in the dark. Patrick grabs his hands and squeezes, anchoring him._ _ _ _

____"What do you... I came back? David. Of course I came back... you thought I wasn't coming back?"_ _ _ _

____"I don't know!" There it was, the higher octave. "I just thought you'd probably find somebody there who you liked better than me. And it would be my fucking fault; this whole night was my idea."_ _ _ _

____Patrick lets go of David's hands and holds him by his shoulders. "Look at me." His voice is steady and firm. David leans his upper body heavily, wearily into Patrick's hands and looks, and Patrick's face is full of moonlight, coming in through the motel curtains. Tears drip out of David's lower lashes, and he doesn't feel any need to mask this raw mixture of relief and desperation. He just lets Patrick drink it in as he props him up._ _ _ _

____Patrick says, "You're mine. I am not going _anywhere _. There is nobody I like better than you, especially nobody I might fuck at a random group sex massage chain party at Jake's." They both laugh/snort at the colorful, jumbled, run-on sentence of a description. "You're mine," he says again, and David bites his lip and shakes his head back and forth. "I did not, by the way, even touch anybody, or get touched by anybody there tonight. Okay?" Patrick lovingly rubs David's shoulders and arms. "I just hung out with Stevie for a little while, chatted with this couple she introduced me to who stayed at the motel a couple of weeks back. Said a few words to Jake, then made my excuses and ducked out."___ _ _ _

______"Okay," David nods. "But, do you resent me? I'd understand if you did."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Why would I resent you? I'm a grown man, I make my own choices."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I know you do. But, had I not made a dramatic exit... if I'd been into it... what would you have wanted to happen tonight?"_ _ _ _ _ _

______Patrick doesn't respond right away. He lets his hands drop into his lap, and David shifts his body so he's sitting cross-legged on the bed, and Patrick has one leg on the bed tucked under his other leg dangling off. Patrick takes a breath and says, "Honestly, I don't know. I'm not sure." He rubs his jaw. "When I was getting ready at home, I admit I was kinda looking forward to it. It had nothing to do with needing anybody or anything more than you. Nothing whatsoever. It's just that... I was raised, you know, pretty conservative, pretty run-of-the-mill, and I've never felt like it was safe or okay, or even forgivable, to try something like that." He pauses to glance at David, to see how he's reacting. He finds there the generosity and openness and acceptance that he has come to deeply cherish and recognize as so unique in his partner, so he continues. "Once we got there and it was a bunch of people, I was like, whoa, you know? Okay, this... this might be too different." David hums his understanding. "So..." Patrick draws a shaky breath, and looks more vulnerable and less in control now. "Okay, you talk for a while now."_ _ _ _ _ _

______David reaches and threads his fingers through Patrick's. Patrick's eyes meet his, and he says, "I don't want to restrict you, or hold you back in any way. I came out when I was in college, and I have had lots of chances to explore, experience, whatever. I don't think it's fair for me to make you feel like you can't do stuff, since you're just now fully coming into yourself, able to, like, fully be who you are, you know?" David closes his eyes; he wills himself to stop revealing such deep, real fears - he doesn't want to be a needy, fragile thing - but he can't stop being real with Patrick, he can't stop being himself. Nor does he really want to, and it's so refreshing to not want to. He has spent all his years so far keeping a veil over certain parts of his personality, and he's tired - bone-tired of it. He knows in his soul that it won't scare Patrick away; Patrick's different from everybody in his past. So he goes on: "I, uh... everybody I've ever loved, or thought I loved... has left me. So, you know, I'm used to that. And I know, I promise I know, that you love me... but I also know that I'm the first and only guy you've ever been with, and sometimes I wonder if you're going to be curious one day in the future, and think... maybe there is someone better out there. And how will you know, if you don't check? And maybe that'll get stronger and stronger, and you'll..." He couldn't finish. The words shriveled and died in his throat, and he abruptly felt very, existentially tired. So Patrick, who seemed to have regained his usual, incredibly attractive self-assuredness, took over._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You don't make me feel like I can't do stuff, I promise, David. I do not, and will not, resent you." Patrick leans in and holds David's face in his hands, to drive the point home. "I can't promise you that I'll never wonder about other people, what they're like... I think to a certain extent, that's normal, and not limited to gay couples. But... how can I explain this..." He clears his throat. "David, I... I'm in love with you as a person, everything that you are. All the parts of you, inside and out, the sound of your voice, the way your skin feels, the way your mind works - all of it. I can sit here and go on and on, and get cheesier and sappier, if you want. I may have a curiosity about somebody else, but that person could never be you, could never be all the things that you are. It's not possible. And that's why I will never. Ever. Leave you. I love you."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"I love you," David whispers, surprised he's able to form the words, vaguely wondering if he's still in his body, his whole being shimmering with the kind of joy and thankfulness that rebuilds a person, artfully and mercifully, from the inside out._ _ _ _ _ _

______But Patrick isn't through; and this is the thing about him: he will never stop reassuring David that everything is all right. Because he understands that if a regular person with a normal past likes to be reassured once in a while, then David needs to be reassured every day, over and over, and it's what Patrick does best, and he'll never not love doing it. "David, I'm happy for the first time in my whole life. You think I'd give that up for... exploring, just for the sake of exploring? Just so I could say I did?" Patrick scoots closer to David on the bed, until their noses are almost touching. He kisses his mouth softly. "I love you, David." Another gentle kiss, a hand comes back up to cup David's chin. "Do you think I could give you up for anything, ever?" The next kiss lingers a little longer, and Patrick gets quieter, huskier. "I couldn't leave you if I tried."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Well, please don't ever try," David mumbles against Patrick's lips, wrapping a hand around the back of Patrick's neck and kissing him deeply. Patrick takes David in his arms, closing all the space between them. They fall back against David's pillows, and the moonlight streams in to pool around them._ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
